Category Archives: Social Commentary

Be patient and remember how you were looked after

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photo by Guillermo Peña

photo by Guillermo Peña

My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”… Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep.

When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl?

When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way … remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day… the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.

If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you.

And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don’t feel sad… just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you … my darling daughter.

Original text in Spanish and photo by Guillermo Peña.
Translation to English by Sergio Cadena

Posted on AARP Facebook Page

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I Respect These Female Heroes So Much More With Tiny Waists And Sparkly Dresses! LOL J/K.

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Paige Worthy Reblogged from Paige Worthy from Upworthy.com
“There’s a place for princesses, and there’s a place for real, seriously ass-kicking women who are standing up to the world’s problems. Example: The thing about Malala as a princess? She didn’t get locked in a tall tower or eat a poison apple — the Taliban shot her in the head. She doesn’t need a gown or a tiara to create her place in history, and we need to be teaching that to little girls.Still not sure what the artist is doing here? Scroll all the way down for a great quote about it straight from him.”
Not sure if this is the way to address the issue but potentially the artist has good intentions, its just that I have already seen these images replicated around the internet and in some cases the message is that these fabulous female role models are not actually attractive enough naturally and need the ‘Disney Princess Treatment’.

You know it never ceases to amaze me how often I am called a ‘feminist’ when I talk about human rights and gender equality

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English: The Austrian feminist Marie Lang, 185...

English: The Austrian feminist Marie Lang, 1858-1934 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You know it never ceases to amaze me who often I am called a ‘feminist’ when I talk about human rights and gender equality.  I find it particularly interesting that most often it is young women (35 and under) who say things like, “oh you must be a feminist” when talking to me about equality and women’s issues.  Basically they say the word like I am from a different planet, or some different species of animal not yet fully researched, but feared and despised none the less.  I usually hear this statement when I get into a conversation with someone and I might ask these women if they think they are equal in our society.  Or I might ask them why they have just said what they did and then give them some examples of inequalities to expand the context of what they have just said, like “I am waiting for my boyfriend to ask me to marry them”  To which I might ask, why don’t you just ask him to marry you?  To which they are often shocked as often times I don’t think they have even thought about the alternative so fixed into the traditional roles expected of them that they don’t see any issue with what they have said.  Sure its fine to wait to be asked if you know you are traditional and that is your choice, but very often after a discussion, the person will tell me that they have actually never even thought about what they say and believe and why they do.  Conversely, I get two different responses from men when I question their behaviour or views, or I simply talk about current human rights issues like violence against women.  The first, and I would say the one that is gaining ground is where the man wants to know more about inequalities and inequities because they know that these inequalities also affect them.  Second, and I am well used to this one by now, is hostile where the man might (try to) speak over the top of me and try to belittle me in front of other men.  Only the other day I was de-friended by a long term acquaintance when I questioned a post on his Facebook page that had an image that said something like “punch a bitch a day”.  He thought it funny, I thought it completely inappropriate and promoting violence against women.  However he accused me of being a man hater, of not seeing the funny side, of being ‘juvenile, sexist and racist’.  That last one is a little funny, but apparently in the US the saying “punch a bitch a day” is acceptable if you are a person of colour, which this person is not, but he didn’t think of that I guess.  Having questioned his values and calling him on the post, he then proceeded to accuse me of being a FEMINIST, like it was the worst word he could call me.  He then told me that it was no wonder I was no longer married, and when I said that was a low blow considering he knew my situation, he said “it wasn’t personal”.  Charming!  Whilst I was working in Thailand  (2003), this same man said to me that he didn’t know why men bothered to rape women in the US when they could just come to Thailand and buy one for sex when they liked.  Hmm, and I thought he had changed since, but then old habits….

I actually don’t think of myself as a feminist, merely someone who believes in equality and I wonder why being a feminist is so terrible?  Has the population been brainwashed into believing that the old 60’s bra burning stereotype of feminists is still current?  Feminism has evolved a couple of times since then, but we rarely hear about the new forms and instead continue to focus on the hot buttons of pro-choice and militancy, instead of understanding that we have moved on from and new ideologies like the Pussy Riots and Slut Marches exist.

“In my own view, Feminism is organic rather than something that needs to be defined or performed in a certain way.  Prior to my study of Sociology, I would not have recognised a feminist, and certainly did not realise that there were many different types of feminisms.  Many younger women do not class themselves as, or even identify with being a feminist.  Instead, historical female behavioural models are collected, compared and consolidated, recycled depending on which role the actor chooses to play.  These models come in different forms such as the ‘post feminist’, the post feminist lesbian, the black feminist, the old feminist or the young feminist.  There are established models for each different type of category, easily recognised by other feminists and the wider community.” (Moore 2012)

There are also different waves of feminism, like the early suffragette who wanted the vote for women, known as 1st wave feminism – 1960-1920.  One of the most wide ranging political campaigns in history,  the suffragette battled for access to the vote for women and chastity for men.  The chastity for men was an issue because there was very little access to birth control and it was acceptable for men to frequent prostitutes or have mistresses which spread the disease to their wives, and yes before you say ooooohhhhheeee, some women did have extramarital sex as well they had few rights.  The point is that women didn’t have the vote, couldn’t own property and could be chucked out and divorced by their husband just like that if they were found to be adulteress.  In short there was a double standard.  As well as the inability for women to control pregnancy, venereal disease was rife and women wanted to curb the practice of sex outside marriage.

The bra burning feminists, known as 2nd Wave Feminism of the 1960’s were primarily concerned with sexism and highlighted an awareness of systemic discrimination against women.  This period is now recognised as being ‘Eurocentric’ (focusing on white women) and is also sometimes called Captial F feminsism because it viewed all women as sisters simply because they were women.  This wave took on patriarchy and fought for a women’s right to choose  and so we continue to hear the pro-choice argument being synonymous with pro abortion, but this is only one aspect of this movement.  The right to choose was about a women’s right to choose what happens to her body, including the right to contraception and abortion.  Unfortunately the wider issues sometimes get lost on pro lifers who like to focus on the abortion and pro-choice aspect as it helps to further their cause and demonise women, mostly mothers.

3rd wave feminism recognises differences in women’s environments, cultures, political and choices so it can be discussed in a broader context and instead becomes known as ‘feminisms’.  3rd wave feminists believe that feminism is outdated and is now ‘being lived rather than theorised’.  Hence many women under 35 think that there is no need for feminsim at all because they are already equal.  However there are many who know that there are still significant issues and in current times we have seen the rise of raunch culture and girl power in the form of Pussy Riots, Slut Marches and other grass-roots organisations that aim to ‘reclaim’ a women’s sexuality.  Feminism is still evolving and will continue to evolve as more issues come to light to be addressed, like the current issue of ‘rape culture’.

So I don’t mind being called a feminist, I just find it funny that people need to ask me if I am one.

REFERENCES

MOORE, Susanne (2012), “Feminism, Difference and Identity”, form Macquarie University SGY220 Assignment 3, White paper

Enough Already – http://onebillionrising.org/blog/entry/enough-already

Griffith University. (2011/12). Defining Women: Social Institutions and cultural diversity. Study Guide , 1-101.

 

The UN Commission on the Status of Women unmasks equality’s enemies

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“There might not be many things the Vatican and the Muslim Brotherhood agree on, but one is keeping women ‘in their place'”

Jill Filipovic badge

The Guardian March 18, 2013

” Who doesn’t want to end violence against women?

More than a few nations and conservative organizations, apparently. Under the cover of culture, religion and tradition, they have attempted to impede consensus on a simple agreement to solidify the rights of women to be free from abuse. With violence against women endemic – one in three women worldwide will be on the receiving end of violence in her lifetime – appeals to culture or religion don’t just ring hollow; they’re reckless, cruel and expose how brutally misogynist our world remains.

The United Nations Commission on the Status of Women brought hundreds of international leaders to New York to discuss strategies for ending violence against women. After two weeks of debate, it concluded with a communiqué stating the principles agreed upon at the gathering – something it failed to do last year. (Disclosure: I have done some consulting work for UN Women.)

The principles initially proposed by UN Women head Michelle Bachelet were not particularly radical. They simply asserted that governments have an obligation to make sure women in their countries are protected, that women in every corner of the world have a right to bodily integrity, and that religion, custom or tradition are not excuses for governments to skirt their obligations to protect all their citizens.

In other words: women are people, and governments must take reasonable steps to ensure that women are not beaten, raped and abused with impunity.

Nonetheless, many of the usual suspects (and some new ones) were unwilling to adopt the “women are people, not punching bags” framework. The Vatican, Iran and Russia tried to strip out the language that would block governments from using the “it’s our custom/religion/tradition” excuse. They also hedged at language suggesting that a husband doesn’t have the right to rape his wife.

I remain flummoxed as to why the Vatican, Russia and Iran want to publicly associate raping and abusing women to their own traditions and religious beliefs, though I suppose there’s something to be said for putting honesty ahead of basic human rights.

But here is the honest truth: systematic violence against women maintains the male monopoly on political, economic and social power. When women live in fear of violence – when women live with actual violence – it maintains a system of free female labor within the “traditional” family, and keeps half of the population from competing with men for paid work or social capital. Women, as it turns out, are just as smart and capable and hardworking as men, which is why keeping women disempowered and vulnerable requires large-scale coercion and violence.

READ THE FULL ARTICLE HERE

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/mar/18/un-commission-status-women-enemies-equality

International Women’s Day

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Vicky's Work Area 2006

Vicky’s Work Area 2006 (Photo credit: Vicky TGAW)

 

Lets be clear on International Women’s Day. Flexibility is not gender diversity, nor is it equality. Nursing rooms, flexible hours and acknowledging the needs of returning mothers is also not equality, it is merely a fact of life. Gender diversity means that women have the same opportunities and choices as men do, and men can have the freedom to choose roles that we have traditionally attributed to women

 

It’s not about getting more girls in IT, it’s about the ramifications of them not partaking.

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To get more girls to take up and the sciences we need to stop talking about why they should and instead focus on the ramifications of them not partaking. Information Technology (IT) is an enabler and without skills in IT women will be left behind at the decision making table. Information Technology is a key enabler of business transformation; it drives almost everything that we do, how we get there, what we see, how we get information. It is part of our economic makeup, our lives and our careers depend on our understanding of, and use of IT. Information technology largely determines the way that we live our day-to-day lives, and is the method we use when we choose to act on our decisions.

Therefore, it is less about what girls might like about an IT career and more about a desire to have agency over their own life pathways. It will provide a greater ability for self-determination, self-expression and the ability to sit at the table with the decision makers and policy developers. In short, it should be a standard part of every child’s education, not just be offered to those that have a liking for it, or have an ‘aptitude’ for ‘the sciences’ and mathematics. There is no longer any need for educators to differentiate between what appeals to girls rather than boys, all children must learn information technology as a mandatory skill. It has to be that way for us all to be successful and I would go even further and suggest that a connection to the internet is fast becoming a basic human right.

Technology is the way the world now works so let us talk to girls about changing their lives, changing the world and having the ability to achieve their goals. If we do this, the argument for Girls and IT ceases to exist because we no longer need to look at why technology doesn’t appeal to girls, IT is just a fundamental part of their lifestyle.

Let us shake off the geek image because IT has not been about the geek for probably twenty years. Sure, it is technical but the same can be said about lots of things. IT is about solutions to help businesses perform more effectively so when you start to look at the outcomes and not the practice, it starts to change your perception on why girls need to be involved.

Increasingly girls and young women want choice. A choice to live a life that means something to them and the traditional views of IT with its developer geeks working through the night doesn’t send a message of empowerment to most women. Instead, many of us just wonder “why would you?” and the answer is simple. Someone needs to break down the barriers to change and discover new ways of being and sometimes that does mean working through to night because you are so passionate about the potential outcomes that you just don’t want to stop for anything!

Information Technology is about choice, it is about having the qualifications and skills that will give girls a voice at the table. It’s about innovation and the ability to communicate on a global scale. This is vitally important because technology gives women a voice and the enormous numbers of women using their voice via blogs, websites, and other social media just shows how important technology has become in giving people a voice.

Without knowledge and skill in Information Technology and the sciences women are in danger of losing that voice, so lets make it less about what they like and more about what is imperative for them to live a successful and fulfilling life.

Male sexual harassment is not a joke!

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An article from NBCnews.com on the 7/10/2007 by Eve Tahmincioglu,  discusses the growing incidence of sexual harassment against men.  This harassment is being perpetrated both from women and other men, and leaves the male victims feeling powerless, confused and unsure how to deal with these unwelcome advances.  But perhaps this is less about male and female sexuality and more about control and power of one person over another.   As more women achieve leadership positions in what were predominately male business structures, it is possibly no surprise that this aggressive behaviour is being seen in women, but this is not representative of all women the same as sexual harassment is not done by all men.  As workplaces become more diverse and female attributes are more accepted, I think that this behaviour will subside as workplaces harness innovation instead of control and manipulation.  Maybe, its a case of “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander?  Either way, harassment, bullying and control as not acceptable behaviors from anyone particularly in the workplace.

By Eve Tahmincioglu

msnbc.com contributor

updated 7/10/2007 9:49:54 AM ET

“We often talk about sexual harassment against women in the workplace but for this column I’m going to address the growing problem of sexual harassment against men in the workplace.

Are you laughing? You probably are. That’s what happened recently when I discussed the topic with friends and colleagues. Few seem to take this issue seriously.

But for quite a few men, sexual harassment is indeed becoming a serious issue, and some men are deciding not to just brush aside the unwelcome advances from women and men.

“Many people mistakenly believe that harassment is limited to females,” says Roberta Chinsky Matuson, a human resource expert.  “The truth is that this type of experience is just as damaging to men.”

While the number of sexual harassment cases overall has consistently declined in the past few years, “sexual harassment filings by men have consistently increased, doubling over 15 years,” says David Grinberg, a spokesman for the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, or EEOC.

Even though women filing charges makes up the bulk of the EEOC’s sexual harassment workload, men are becoming a bigger piece of the pie, with nearly 2000 filing charges last year.

And that’s cases that get to the EEOC. Many labor experts say men are less likely than women to speak up about such cases of harassment for fear of being mocked by coworkers, and even fewer would take the charges to a government agency and risk widespread knowledge of their plight.

Thomas, who works in academia but didn’t want his full name used, found himself in an office made up of mainly women who would routinely share and copy each other emailed jokes and emails about men. A few, he adds, “made fun of men’s unique anatomy, if you know what I mean.” The behavior, he says, made him feel isolated. When he finally addressed the matter with the women in the office, “the women were stunned, generally with a ‘You’ve got to be kidding,’ kind of attitude. And they kept doing it.”

There are a host of reasons the number of men complaining about harassment may be up.

There are more female bosses in the workplace today than there were just 10 years ago; and unfortunately men don’t have a corner on the rude-behavior market.”  Read more

REFERENCES

NBCnews.com – http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19536167/ns/business-careers/t/male-sexual-harassment-not-joke/#.UGfQu8X4Kid

A different take on sexual harassement – Debating the sexual harassment bill

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A men’s movement in India that has come out in protest about a range of issues where they think that they are unfairly treated with women receiving preferential treatment, often blaming these issues on feminism.  Some of the comments on Men’s Rights Facebook pages promoting ‘anti-feminist’ sentiment can be pretty harsh with Wikipedia defining this men’s rights movement (MRM) as;

“a subset of the larger men’s movement, is focused on addressing discrimination against men in areas such as reproductive rights, divorce settlements, domestic violence laws, and sexual harassment laws.[1] It branched off from the men’s liberation movement in the early 1970’s, differing from that movement in its focus and rejection of pro-feminist principles.”

Whilst I don’t believe feminism advocates women’s rights at the expense of men’s rights, it is a little concerning.  However I think that the best way to address this is to engage thoughtfully as a Changing Women, without criticism, anger or judgement.

In some cases we still see the mistreatment of women through control and deprivation through laws and cultures that are grossly inhumane and without equality and it is this history that I think has been lost on this movement.  That is not to say that many of their issues are not warranted.  For example, men should have equal opportunities to be a sole care giver, they should not be physically or mentally abused by their partners and they should not suffer sexual harassment at the hands of either sex.  But it is not a simple issue.

Here is a post about the a new law that has been passed in New Delhi to protect women from sexual harassment.  The article is well written and reasonably balanced, but I think that the bigger issues that come from centuries of patriarchy have been overlooked.

Debating the sexual harassment bill – Posted by in Legal

“Men’s rights organisations have come out strongly against the decision of the Lok Sabha which cleared the Sexual harassment of women at workplace bill without any discussion.

Men’s Rights Association, a men’s rights organization, creating awareness about abuse of men by society registered a strong protest against the proposed anti-male legislation titled “Protection of Women against Sexual Harassment Bill”.

On the September 3, the Lok Sabha cleared this bill without any discussion. When over 35 countries have this law Gender neutral, why is it anti male only in India? Why is it being passed without any debate in Loksabha, they asked.”

READ THE REST OF VICKY NANJAPPA’S ARTICLE HERE

This is my response via a comment on his blog site;

“It is a shame that the law was not made gender neutral as you say as all people can be subject to sexual harassment. I guess that historically it has been worst for women since men have been the leaders in most organisations over many centuries, however for true equality the law must protect all. These laws were instigated in the west and many decades ago and took some time to take effect so sometimes the early days are difficult. Sexual harassment still happens regardless of the laws, but at least it is more understood. I wouldn’t say that feminism is the issue here as feminism doesn’t advocate equality for women over equality for men, it merely asks that women have equal choice and have equity in ownership, decisions over their body, to be able to choose a life path and to have self determination. These are things that everyone should have regardless of gender, race, status or age.

I certainly understand the issues that you have outlined, but many laws are still heavily weighted towards men and against women, so are many cultural practices such as dowries and forced marriages. This is a much broader issue and stems from the patriarchal system that has been created over many centuries, where men have been in control and have determined the life of women. You only need to look at the right for women to vote which did not come into force until the late 1800′s in the western world to know that many laws were made by men for men. Often these laws were extremely detrimental to women and some still are so this could be why you are seeing so much activism in your country at the moment around women’s rights. These may seem to be eroding those of men, but this is just a phase in the change and balance will return over time. Instead of blaming feminism, why not work with those groups more closely so that laws are crafted that benefit everyone?”

Men’s Rights does not mean Anti- Feminist

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I have been having conversations with a Facebook ‘Friend’ for a couple of weeks and he seems to feel that Feminism and women’s rights have disadvantaged men.  He and some men’s groups are calling for Men’s Rights as they feel that feminism has degraded their own rights, particularly around the issue of parental access to children.

The photo, was re posted by my ‘friend’ after being posted to the Against Feminism Facebook page. Interesting reading the About Page on that site.  I thought I would post the first part of the discussion here at Changing Women to get comments from others.

[name removed for privacy]

Aug 5, 2012, The rules of domestic violence that are in the law are made by women’s activist, call them feminist, whatever, you should just type “men’s rights” in Google, then you would know about this issue, at least from a legal perspective, laws made by women’s activists, Yes, feminists themselves do not persuade physical violence against men by women as a primary propaganda (and yes, killing children as an option that feminism suggests as a reproductive right is to be acknowledged as well, for feminism that proclaims itself as non violent), but laws are made against men in such situations, and these laws are made and created by feminists, you are speaking of the good feminism, and bad feminism needs to be acknowledge by society, and yes , it is gradually being understood by people, the percentage of gender based violence against women is greater but is not an justification to make laws biased against men, there was a single woman graduate in India which became the role models for billions of women to be educated, there was a single woman pilot on the world to be the cause for us to encourage women to be pilots, there are just a few women in corporate broads today, but just these few women are enough for the world to motivate billions of women to join the corporate leadership, we there are a few women in company’s managers, but we try to address their issues for promoting women in companies, few women become as cause for concern, similarly violence by women on a few men is not a justification that men’s issue should not be addressed, as I said before men’s rights activist are not against feminism that seeks justice for women, but the same feminist does address women and men in different light, if a women is are condemned and not allowed by the society for doing some thing men does, feminism and their followers say she is denied her rights, but if men are condemned and not allowed by the society for doing some thing women does, feminist and their followers say men are escapist. See, we need to acknowledge these realities men face from feminism apart from the common society, denying these legal and social realities of men inflicted by feminism and society is same as denying that women are raped, face gender discrimination, etc., in fact, men’s rights activists are more balanced in this way – men’s rights activists do blame certain kinds of feminism, but unlike feminism that does not acknowledges men’s rights, men’s rights activists acknowledge women’s rights.”

MY COMMENTS
Feminism does not support violence against women, it does not lie – the percentage of violence against women is far greater than violence against men. That being said, feminists do not support domestic violence against meneither. It is not feminist teaching to bash men. You may be surprised to know that there is domestic violence in same sex male relationships as well – this has nothing to do with feminism.  Surely, you and this organisation do not support the raping, terrorism and killing of women that is all too common in many countries? Feminism exists to bring awareness and to promote equality between the sexes. It has also changed over time. It is not feminism that did this to the man in the photo, it is a violent person.

This is a big subject [NAME REMOVED]. What are the rules of domestic violence that are made by women’s activist? I don’t need to type ‘mens rights‘ into Google to know that men have been in power for centuries and have created most of (if not all)

law. Can you give me examples? Don’t you know the figures for violence against women? Domestic violence is very serious – it is not just the physical violence but also the disempowerment of many women with children who have no job, no money and no place to go. These women live in violent homes with their husbands and partners and the violence can continue over decades. For some women (in Australia) they have to escape their husbands in order to protect themselves and their children, sadly many still die at the hands of their husband after they have left. Domestic violence laws were set up to protect these people (and if it happens to a man – then it protects him as well), from harm and enables them to have a life that is safe. This is a very complex subject and not one that you can easily dismiss as the percentage and outcome of domestic violence against women and men is very different. Perhaps you can do a Google search on the statistics, the recovery times and the ongoing damage that domestic violence has caused to so many women. Lets not forget that men are still stronger than most women and at a minimum can physically restrain them – women can’t do that to most men.
In terms of abortion – feminism does not advocate abortion, but it does work for women to have the ability to decide how their bodies will be treated (self determination) and to make decisions that effect their own bodies. In the past, women have not had that choice and you only need to look as close as China, where the Government – not feminists are forcing parents to have abortions against their will.  Other countries force circumcision, and the list goes on. Women only ask to have equal choice, not to limit the choices of men.

If you have a problem with the legal system, then you need to address the legal system. Many laws HAVE been changed to try and balance the rights of women to the rights of men – which our legal systems are founded on. Wouldn’t you fight if

you were denied the basic rights to education, to not be killed for refusing marriage, the have the ability to leave the house and to choose your own pathway in life? Of course our laws needed to be changed as they did not provide for equality. In Australia, women had limited ability to vote in 1894, so who made the laws before that? It wasn’t women.
Can you give me an example of BAD Feminism? Is this where women disagree with men?
I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR COMMENTS ON THIS….

He is a bit feminine because he wears a scarf and is an actor.

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Beckham sure looks good in one!

In the car of the weekend with my 14-year-old daughter and a couple of her friends, when one of them commented about a male friend that they all have in common.  She was heard to say of the boy, “he is a bit feminine”.  When I asked her what this meant she said that he wore scarfs and was an actor.  Interesting I thought, seems we are still teaching our young girls to look for the ‘jocks’ and value the stereotypical ‘mans man’ attributes instead of the very attributes that we expect to see in a female‘s and would most likely form the basis of a relationship based on equality, trust and care.

For this boy, showing attributes like care, consideration, showing feeling and being sensible enough to wear a scarf in the cold pale into the background for many girls who would rather be with a boy that demonstrates attributes like arrogance, disdain and disrespect.   What seems to still be the most attractive for girls looking for a boyfriend is his status or his standing among his peers.  Add to these attributes a reluctance to show feelings and an inability to communicate effectively and you have the makings of an unbalanced relationship.

The feeling nurturing attributes that are so important in female’s, often seem undervalued in a male’s.  Why is this still the case in 2012?  It’s not like caring is only possible if you are female, many men care deeply even if they don’t always show it.  We so often see fantastic examples of men who are incredible communicators, Bill Clinton springs to mind and there are others who capture the very essence of the mood, who communicate feeling, value and comfort so easily, so why are these attributes still undervalued in our young men?

There has been an argument that women naturally seek out the strongest most dominant mate to father the healthiest of children but I dispute this theory.  Girls are constantly exposed to this message but having a caring mate would surely be the preference for most women.  I am sure that the ability for parents to raise self-confident and self-sustaining caring children into adulthood requires more than the most dominant genes.  How much easier would it be to have a partner who had some of those ‘female’ attributes’ of compassion, empathy and unconditional love.

We continue to pit girl against girl in the search for the best male partner, and over time women have developed some competitive behaviors that are so destructive.

Enough is enough!

Teach your boys to be strong independent men, confident enough to be themselves, to express themselves fully using all the male and female attributes available to them.  Teach your girls the same thing and lets stop girls and women fighting amongst ourselves!

Many of the most loved, sexy and popular  men are actors, and some would be sensible enough to wear scarfs and as adult women we appreciate the sensitive side to them.  The most popular movies for women often show a strong, yet sensitive male, one who is able to communicate and care so why do we still have our young girls scoffing at the notion?