Stop the sabotage

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seductive women

Isn’t it time that women stopped sabotaging each other and started to work together?  The predatory behaviour of some women setting out to “take from” other women or “show up” other women doesn’t get any of us anywhere.  It doesn’t help women to progress and it doesn’t help men to progress.  Why do you think men are so successful in this world?  It has nothing to do with them being better or stronger or having more brains than a women, it has a lot to do with the clear code of conduct between men – it was once known as “gentlemanly behaviour”, maybe this is not the current code, but there is a code, a way that men have of behaving and supporting each other that is positive.  Men often stick together when they are out looking for a female mate so that they have the support of their mates – “hunting in packs”.  It is about more than just hunting.  They support each other – in funny ways sometimes, like one mate saying to the other, “hey Johnno, she looks nice” to inappropriate ways that demean women – nevertheless there is a support of each other for the end game.  Although women have an infinite capacity to give positive support of other women, there is a behaviour that sees many women compete against each other to the detriment of each other and ultimately to the detriment of themselves.  Some use their sexuality to “take” from others by having affairs with another’s husband or partner – or my favourite, younger women who sneer at older more experienced women who, in their mind, just doesn’t fit their view of what is sexy and attractive.  As an older women, you can become invisible to a young #20y30ysomething shop assistant if you let yourself.  Age is a condition that we all strive for because we all want to live a long and happy life.  We can celebrate the way we look as older women and savour the sensuality that we have developed from experience – we have made it!

Men have worked within the business “boys club” structure that set up by men centuries ago but many women have never learnt this game – or just don’t want to play it.  Which is fine but it means that there are less of us in the “game” so our ability to change the way the game is played is then reduced simply due to the smaller number of women who are willing to put themselves out there in the firing line.

In my experience in business, it has often been other women who have tried to bring me down.  Sure some men can make it difficult for you because you are a women, but there is a damaging (but often accepted) female way is ultimately more harmful.  I say accepted way, because I don’t believe that true female power comes from putting others down and taking away from someone elses happiness.  True woman power comes from acceptance or yourself and others, being authentic and true to oneself.  Unfortunately we don’t see enough true female power – the true woman-ness because there are so few women in power and leadership roles, but thankfully this is changing.  Instead, we more often see the a harmful, but accepted female way of sabotaging other women.  This happens in all different ways – like, moving in on a male friend that you are having a relationship with, or flirting with the boss so that you get preferential treatment or bitching about you to the other women when you are out of ear shot.  This stuff has not worried me, but I know that it worries many women and we see this behaviour now demonstrated by young girls in school grounds.  This form of “bullying” was once just referred to as being a “bitch” and it can be so harmful that it drives some victims to leave their school, their work, their home and worse – to leave the world all together.

Don’t be a victim any longer, stand up and be counted against female sabotage and let’s show a better way to support each other.  We need to learn whole new ways to support each other that don’t subscribe to the standard models peddled so often in the media.  These models are of women  who stab each other in the back by having affairs with married men or where the media promotes young is sexy without any thought that sexuality is about more than youth and looks.  Sexiness comes with acceptance and the ability to not take yourself so seriously – to have a laugh and get on with life.  Many men know this already and are already attracted by the vitality and personality of a women and not just the surface looks, but unfortunately too many women still fall into the propaganda around how we should look, how we should feel and how we should find a partner to kill off the media mania of what is sexy.

Why do you think that married men have affairs with women other than their wife?  There would be lots of factors, but they can because, well, simply, there are still plenty of women out there that happy to sabotage another women to have the affair.  Instead they tell the guy to “get lost”.  I always wonder why any women would take up a serious relationship with a man who has just left their wife for the women that they have just had an affair with.  If they were unfaithful with their earlier partner, what stops them from having an affair with someone else when they are with you?  Women saying “No” to an affair more often would help.  By already having the affair in the first place, you have normalised the behaviour – it’s now acceptable so don’t be surprised when he has an affair with someone other than you!

Have you ever wondered why the media is so quick to get out all the juicy news about who is sleeping with whose husband?  Is it just that we like gossip?  Maybe it is that we just want to pull others down to our (perceived) own level?  Maybe a bit of both, but I think that it could also be about the purposeful if maybe, subconscious propagation of the myths of men and women by those in power.  These are;

  • The myth that men have these uncontrollable urges that need must be satisfied.  I say, grow up and take responsibility for your actions and stop blaming it on someone else,
  • The myth that men prefer being with younger women in preference to older women because evolution needs us all to reproduce.  Hmm,  then why is it that some people can not conceive?  Perhaps it is not that important after all and just an excuse?
  • The myth that women lose their attractiveness to men as they get older.  This is the way we have been conditioned to think but it isn’t true.

In reality I think that it is more to do with how we see ourselves and how other women see us than what men think of us as a gender.  For example, if you see yourself as a confident and successful person then other people will see you this way and they will respond to you as if this is reality – that you are confident and successful, they will want to know you because of it, regardless of your gender.

I think that the myth’s that the media puts out there has more to do with promoting the sabotaging behaviour between women because it serves a purpose.  The media normalizes the behaviour.  We all ooo and arr about the latest affair that we see in the media and feel sympathy for the wronged wife and contempt for the other women, but we so often just accept that “well there are just women out there that do this stuff”.  The sin’s of the women – the lure of the women – men who can’t help being lured by a women – the Eve sin.

What, no!  At our core, women do not set out to hurt others, they are capable of achieving for themselves without taking from others.  They no longer need to live under the guilt of the Eve sin.  So don’t accept the sabotage anymore!  I don’t believe the view of the Eve sin.  Wasn’t Adam able to make up his own mind and take responsibility for his own actions?  Let’s stop propagating the Eve sin and move on! 

The media’s view of women and promotes this damaging behaviour just helps to keep the equality imbalance between men and women going.  If you believe what the media says interests women you have to ask how serious can you be in the world if what makes you tick is looking sexy and scoring that most wanted man, even if he is with another women?  This is also a myth.  No women is that shallow, but the stereotype of the sexy predator female behaving like a bitch to other women sells papers and magazines and fills plenty of TV show scripts and movies.  It makes lots of money for some and we help by buying the trashy magazines and reading about it!

The real damage that I see is that by sabotaging each other and promoting bitch behaviour,  it just diminishes our ability to show the world our true power, our true place in the world – our true purpose as women.  It also diminishes the growth of the true man to take their true place in the world and in essence inhibits equality.

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